Personal Entries!

How I’m handling being jobless & negative emotions.

Hey, you guys!

So, over the past three weeks have been really…interesting for better words. I’ve fallen into a rut somehow…AGAIN. Being me I worry a little too much. I’m working on changing that. I’ve had some very common life problems that I’ve been trying my best to handle. Let’s start with my former place of employment pretty much shutting down. This happened about a little over a month ago. At the beginning I was positive about it and also very relieved. I was relieved because I pretty much gave my all to the place. I took on the responsibility of the managers and my coworkers. Why? Well, I’m not proud to say it, but I’m kind of a Workaholic. Even, when things got so frustrating I enjoyed doing all of the work. After, a while I stress myself out and realize that I allowed people to break and put all of the work on me.

When I worked at my previous jobs, I left for the same reason and because the work environment wasn’t the best. When a place becomes uncomfortable for me to work at I must leave. There’s no other option. I learned that once something starts to affect my mental health in a negative way that I have to leave. So, with this last job I genuinely loved doing the work. I loved the place and the people that I worked with. It wasn’t the best, but it was what I liked and wanted from a job. Well, after a couple of months they shut down. So, that left me jobless. I gained some experience from working there and I learned a lot. I even got promoted to Team Lead which was an major accomplishment for myself. I left thinking that finding another job wouldn’t be that much of a challenge. Boy, was I wrong!

I wasn’t able to find ANYTHING. It was right after Christmas season so most places weren’t looking to hire. I’ve applied to so many restaurants, retail, even custodian jobs. NOTHING.What makes it worse is that these are not the type of jobs that I want to work. I’ve worked them all already and I just don’t want to go back to that. Now, I’m not saying I deserve a high paying wonderful job, but I want something that’s going to contribute to my future or start me on my way. I want more experience past the hosting, cooking, and cleaning skills. I want to learn and give back while working. I’m only 21 and who am I to say that I don’t want a “low maintenance” job right? Some people may look at me and think that I’m being a lazy brat or stuck up. I don’t think so. I know what I want and I want to go for it. Also, I know that I may need to suck it up and work that “low maintenance” job until I get to where I want to be. I think I’ve done enough ‘sucking up’.

I no longer want to settle. I don’t want to waste any more time working for someone knowing that my time and theirs will be wasted. I want to go out and meet people who will care enough to help me get started. I want to work for someone who’s going to be understanding and knows that I don’t want a long term career out of it. Someone who understands that I just want a start and to help them while I’m at it. I want associates and long term contacts and possibly a friend out of it. Does that make sense to anyone? I hope so. I want to work and give back to my community and the world. I know that it all comes with time, patience, and work of course. There a so many negative ways a person can spin what I’m trying to say. I know a lot of people say that’s not how business works…well I think otherwise. There a so many negative ways a person can spin what I’m trying to say. Maybe someone will understand.

Well, to get back to my point not being able to find a job or one that fits what I’m searching for has caused me to fall into my current rut. The temporary relationship and health problems haven’t been the best additive neither. I’ve had a hard time being positive about it. I have health issues that are worsening and no way to pay for doctors visits. So, I don’t go. I don’t want to terrible credit. It’s been a real struggle relying on my significant other to care for me because I’m not able to at the moment. I’m a little stubborn. *rolls eyes* I then realize that I have something that a lot of people don’t. Which is why I want to give back so much. I know because of many life experiences what it’s like to have nothing and struggle. That’s why I want to move up in the job world so badly. I want to earn to give it all back. I became less upset as I typed this. It really helps to release it from my mind some way. I know that it’ll get better one day. Until then I just have to learn how to ignore those doubtful and negative emotions inside my head. I’m going to school now which is a positive step for me. I’m going to get there with time and I just have to remember that and continue to work hard. I may have to stop being so stubborn and working myself half to death also… So yeah. I just wanted to share this.

Thank you if you’ve read this entry. Have a good rest of your day!

  • Leigh