So, I cut my hair. Ya know? The #BigChop. The last time I was natural I was four. I had long curly ponytails and I cut one of them off. Yup. You read that right. Well, when my mom passed away one of my sisters took it upon herself to ‘take care of my hair’. She relaxed it and continued to do so until I turned about 15. Once I turned 16 I started to put ‘quick weaves’ in my head. I put in sew ins, relaxers, and more. I was damaging my hair for years and didn’t even realize it. I mean my hair was constantly breaking off over the years and I guess I noticed, but was too wrapped up in other things to focus.
Back to the point! For about 3 years now I’ve wanted to go natural, but I was nervous. I don’t know about anyone else, but I had many fears. Such as not feeling pretty enough, wondering what others would think, and just straight up being attached to my hair. Fast forward to January 2017…after constant ‘protective styles’ I got bored. I woke up one day , got on Youtube and looked up a bunch of ‘Big Chop’ videos. I just decided that I’m going to cut my hair. Haha. I know how silly that may sound to someone, but when I want something I go for it. A certain video that I watched made me want to do it for sure. I can’t remember the Youtubers name, but she had a similar story to mine. She had India Arie’s song ‘I Am Not My Hair’ playing in the background as she cut her hair. Once she finished she looked at herself and tears of joy fell out of her eyes. I couldn’t help but cry with her. It was beautiful to watch. She felt so happy and confident. It was written all over her face. I wanted that.
Later that night I began cutting my hair. It took me until the next day to get all of my relaxed ends off, but once it was over I felt so good. I played Jill Scott’s Golden and the song I Am Not My Hair and sang along with so much happiness. I felt free and I felt confidence. It made me extremely happy to know that I wasn’t freaking out at the end. I don’t know if that offends anyone, but I didn’t know what to feel. I feel like I can be me. I feel better than I have felt my entire life. I know how that may sound to say a haircut can do that. It’s just for years I’ve felt insecure about my looks. It was like I couldn’t go out and feel good or be in a genuine good mood unless my hair looked almost perfect in my eyes. So, when I cut my hair I just realized I didn’t need it to feel beautiful. My hair will grow back naturally, healthy, and curly! I’m excited about this journey. It gave me a boost to go ahead with all of the other things I’ve wanted to do. Maybe it’ll give someone else the courage to do it if they want to. Don’t wait for three years to pass by like I did. You can do whatever you want to do, babe.